give me just enough
by SacredNagChampa
Summary: The Last Jedi AU: "When we touched earlier, I saw her future. She was at my side. She was fighting with me, not against. She will turn, Master. Allow me to train her. I know she will turn." Kylo Ren doesn't betray Snoke in the throne room, instead he convinces the Supreme Leader to let him train Rey. Reylo. Rey/Ben Solo/Kylo Ren.
1. we're high and low

_Get out of my head, out my head_ _  
_ _Yeah, we're high and low_ _  
_ _You're dark at your worst_ _  
_ _You're loved and you're cursed_ _  
_ _You're high and low_ _  
_ _You're high and low_

"No," Kylo said quietly.

Snoke clenched his fist and inhaled sharply, "No?" He raised his hand, prepared to strike Kylo with his bolts and end Rey on his own.

Kylo briefly glanced down at Rey and saw her brow furrowed in confusion, her teeth still clenched, bracing for whatever was coming next. Kylo knew his next words would need to be careful, his tone measured. "Forgive me, master. But I think we can use her to our advantage. When we touched, I saw..." he deliberately trailed off, hoping to intrigue Snoke.

Snoke snarled, "What now, Ren? I grow tired of your childish games."

"When we touched earlier, I saw her future. She was at my side. She was fighting with me, not against. She will turn, Master. Allow me to train her. I know she will turn."

Rey gasped and opened her mouth to reply, but Snoke silenced her immediately, "Quiet, girl!" He roared. To Kylo, "You have three months. Take her to your base. Train her. Keep me informed. If she cannot be turned in three months, you _will_ kill her, Ren. Leave now!"

Rey fell to the ground, released by Snoke. Kylo grabbed her by the arm and pulled her to her feet. "I will never turn, you monster!" She shouted in his face.

Kylo said nothing; he retrieved her restraints and cuffed her hands. He guided her out of the room and down the endless corridors of the ship. Finally, they arrived at his smaller ship; it was all ready for departure. Rey continued to mumble under her breath, cursing him, cursing Snoke, and surprisingly, cursing his uncle Luke.

Hours passed as they continued to travel through light-speed.

Kylo removed his gloves.

Ben spoke, "You are right."

Rey startled, "About what?"

He left his seat and crouched down to her sitting in hers. Gently, he removed the shackles that he had been forced to put back on her. "You can help me. And I will help you." He took a deep breath and hesitantly put his bare hand on hers.

Rey inhaled sharply and wrapped his hand in both of hers, "Ben?" She asked, searching his eyes, he refused to meet them. She let go of both of his hands and cradled both sides of his face. "Is it Ben? Or is it Kylo?"

"I'm Ben," he said after a moment. "I know you can help me. I _want_ you to help me." He met her eyes and she let out a breath. Her fingers danced lightly on his cheeks, before pushing his hair back. He locked eyes with her and whispered, "Please."

Rey licked her lips and nodded, "Okay."

* * *

Later, they arrived at their destination. Ben looked at Rey sadly, "Snoke has spies everywhere. I will have to bind you, again. When we get to my apartments, we can act freely. But only there, do you understand?"

Rey nodded. She tried to look out of her window at their new surroundings, but all she saw was a hanger full of ships.

Ben pulled the gloves back on and cuffed Rey once again. "Up, rebel scum." He growled. Rey's jaw dropped, she was ready to argue with him. But she followed his eyes instead and saw Storm Troopers approaching them.

"Your rooms are ready, sir," one of them said.

"Does the prisoner need her own quarters? The supreme leader didn't give any instructions."

"The girl stays with me. And only me. She does not leave my apartments. No staff either. We will prepare our own food and clothes."

"Yes, sir."

The Storm Troopers left and Kylo yanked Rey. She gasped in pain as the shackles rubbed her wrist raw. Soon, they were out of the hanger and walking out into the bright sunlight. Rey gasped at what she saw.

"It's so beautiful! Where are we?"

"Naboo," Kylo replied.

Rey vaguely recalled of hearing of this planet before, but nothing could prepare her for the rich landscape and the incredible architecture. Everything was marble and smooth. Rounded and soft. Nothing like any planet she had ever seen. Not that she had been to many...

They finally entered his apartments. They were fairly large. Fully equipped with a kitchen, a leisure room, refreshers, bedrooms, and a larger room down a hall that she couldn't make out. "What's there?" She asked as Kylo removed her shackles.

"You're hurt," he replied. He removed his gloves and let them fall to the ground. Ben touched her tender wrist. "Why didn't you tell me?" His voice was soft.

"Ben?" He met her eyes and she sighed, "Ben," she confirmed to herself, "it's nothing. It'll heal."

"I shouldn't have put them on you so tightly."

"You had to. I'm not entirely sure of my role in all of this, but I think I can understand yours. You have a part to play and so do I. Besides, Kylo put those cuffs on me. Not Ben."

Ben grunted in reply. He continued to rub at her tender wrists. Rey let him continue to do so, for his own sake. Though, she was pleased by the gentle caresses, not that she would ever admit it to him. She let her gaze return to her earlier study of the apartments. Hanging on a wall was a painted portrait of a beautiful women. She looked familiar. "Is that Leia?" She asked Ben, nodding her head toward the painting.

Ben followed her gaze and smiled softly, "No, that's my grandmother. Padme. She was once queen of Naboo."

"A queen?" Rey asked, "Was Vader her King?"

Ben smirked, "No. Vader was born to a slave. He grew up a slave. He was nobody. He met Padme when he was a child. She was a child, too. She was one of the youngest queens to be elected."

Rey could feel the admiration that he had for this woman that he had never met. "She's beautiful. I see a lot of her in Leia."

Ben's eyes flashed for a second; Rey could see the anger there, the contempt that he still held towards his mother. In that second, he was gone, replaced by Kylo Ren.

"The family resemblance is strong." Ben agreed, letting go of her wrists and turning away.

Rey touched his arm gently, "What's your plan, Ben?"

He turned his body back toward her, but kept his eyes lowered. "I need your help, Rey. I don't want this. I want Snoke out of my head. He's been torturing me for years. Ever since I was a little boy. His voice started as a whisper. Just a gentle nudge that would convince me to do something else. By time Skywalker started training me, Snoke was a formidable presence in my head. He invaded every thought. I tried to fight him as much as I could. I tried to keep him a secret from my uncle…"

Rey frowned, "It was his darkness that Luke sensed in you, not your own."

Ben shrugged, "Maybe…" he let his gaze drift to her face. He studied her for a moment. The air was thick between them. Subconsciously, she licked her lips. His eyes followed the movement of her tongue and her breath hitched. When he spoke again, his voice was deep and barely a whisper, "I know you can help me. I've been drawn to you since that day you tried blasting me in the forest." He lifted a hand and hesitantly traced her jaw with his bare fingers. "Your light…your power…I have been thinking about them every day since then. My," he took a deep breath, "My compassion for you only grows…"

Rey closed her eyes as his fingers continued to skim her face.

"Come, I'll show you to your rooms. There's a refresher in there. You can clean up. Rest. When you wake, I'll have food prepared for you." He walked away and Rey stood for a moment before following him to her room.

* * *

Rey woke some time later. The sky outside of her window was dark. The reflection of lights from buildings across the lake danced on the surface its gentle waves.

She yawned and stretched her sore muscles. Who knew being tortured for answers by a powerful Sith would be so tiring?

She left her rooms and walked down the short hall towards Ben's room. It was empty. He wasn't in the leisure room, or the kitchen. Though she did find a plate of native fruit and cheese on the counter. She picked up a few pieces and began to eat.

Then, she heard grunting coming from the hall that lead to the opposite side of the apartments. She blushed. Perhaps Ben was finding relief with some local woman? She knew men would turn to sex when frustrated. Growing up as an indentured servant in Niima Outpost certainly gave her a realistic outlook of the galaxy.

Despite her instincts to go back to bed, she went down the hallway she had seen briefly when they first entered the apartments. She quietly crept down the hallway and slipped through the ajar door.

Ben was certainly relieving himself…but not with a woman. He was outfitted in only his pants, a wooden staff in his hands. He was fighting an unseen enemy. Sweat was dripping down his muscled back and arms. His black, wavy hair stuck to his face.

Rey felt her mouth go dry and immediately licked her lips. His movements were quick, graceful, intentional…powerful. She felt a warmth travel throughout her body, before it settled in her groin. She rubbed her legs together in an attempt to relieve the ache she now felt there.

The walls of the room were bare, save for one. It was covered from floor to ceiling in a mirror. There, she caught Ben's eyes. He paused briefly, long enough to take her body in. The flush of her skin, the way her thighs rubbed together, her dilated pupils, her tongue wetting her lips, and her breath quickening.

She gasped when he dropped her gaze and returned to his exercise. She didn't miss the slight smirk that settled on his lips.

" _I feel it, too,"_ his voice said in her head. She rolled her eyes. "Feel what?" She asked aloud.

Ben never paused in his movements, his voice continued to whisper, _"Your breathing is labored. Your heart is beating faster. I can smell you."_

Rey lifted her arm and sniffed; she smelled nothing. "I washed in the refresher, just as you suggested."

" _Not there,"_ she felt a slight pressure on her groin, like someone's hand was pressing there. She gasped, _"Here."_

She let out a tiny moan. "I don't know what you're talking about." She felt a fresh flush spread across her skin. She would not be embarrassed. She would not give in to her attraction to him. He may have saved her from Snoke. But she was effectively his prisoner now. He still was responsible for Han's death. Though he may have compassion for her and her for him, all she wanted were answers from him. Answers about Han. About Leia. About Luke. About Snoke.

"Ben."

Ben finally stopped. His own breathing was labored now; from exertion or lust, she didn't know. Perhaps both.

"Rey." He replied.

"In order for me to help you, I need answers."

He lowered his gaze and nodded, "Of course. Let me wash and change. I'll meet you in the leisure room. We can talk then."


	2. you got your powers over me

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I haven't felt compelled to write fanfiction in a long time! My husband and I were both frustrated by TLJ. I "fixed" it during a car ride and began the outline for this with him. If it wasn't clear from the last chapter, instead of Ben killing Snoke, the Red Room scene never plays out. I know, I know. That scene is pretty BAMF. Especially Rey grabbing his thigh as he lifts her up and they fight back to back with each other. But this is fic. So, better things can happen 😊

 _You got your powers over me_ _  
_ _Those powers over me_ _  
_ _I'm going under, I'm going under_ _  
_ _Got those powers over me_ _  
_ _Those ones I need to keep from going under_ _  
_ _From going under_

Rey felt it soon after Ben left the room. It felt like a kick to the gut and she had to sit down, "Master Luke," she exhaled. He was gone. How? What had happened? Ben found her sitting cross-legged on the ground, her hand resting over her heart. "Did you feel, too?" She whispered.

Ben frowned and sat beside her; his larger body couldn't be as compacted as hers and he ended up stretching his right leg out in front of him and bending the left. His body leaned towards her on its own accord. He nodded, "Skywalker. He's gone."

Rey glared at him, "You know why, don't you?"

Ben sighed, "I can guess. The last I knew; the rebels were headed toward an old base of theirs. It's possible that Luke was there. Snoke would have done everything in his power to destroy him."

Rey felt tears welling in her eyes. Soon one escaped and trailed down her cheek. "Oh, no. I don't know if Leia can handle losing him, too."

Ben tensed next to her. She didn't need to say it, but she did anyway, "First Han and now Luke. How will she be able to handle losing the man she loved _and_ her brother?"

"She seemed to have no problem giving up her son."

Rey gasped, "That can't be true! Leia loves you! She wants you back, Ben."

Ben snorted, "I'm sure she does. She wants me back to be her dutiful son."

"What is so wrong with the rebellion cause? Your mother fights for the oppressed. For those without a voice. For people like me! People like your grandfather!"

"My grandfather was born a slave, but he didn't die a slave!"

Rey rolled her eyes, "No, he died a weak and lonely man. With more regret than most accrue in a lifetime, let alone fifty years."

"He died after over-throwing the emperor of the galaxy!"

"To save your uncle!"

Ben glowered at Rey, "I thought you wanted answers from me. Go ahead, ask me your questions."

Rey sighed heavily and was quiet for a moment. Finally, she whispered, "Why did you kill Han?"

Ben's reply was measured, "Because I had no other choice."

Rey's eyes widened in disbelief, "There is always another choice!"

When Ben locked eyes with her, she could see the pain in them. She could _feel_ his pain. It coursed through her like it did him. "Snoke knew I was weak. He could sense my…feelings for you. My draw to the light. He tasked me with killing Han. It was a test. One I knew I had to pass."

He looked away. His gaze focused on the lake outside. It was barely visible from this angle; the balcony was obstructing it. "I hadn't seen Han Solo in years. I was always my parents' second priority. I always came after their work. Leia made more of an effort to bond with me. She would always schedule an hour or two with me a day. And our bond through the force was strong. But Han…"

Rey hesitantly reached for Ben. He was trembling. Her arm first settled on his elbow, but she allowed her instincts to take over and she let her knuckles trace his forearm before clasping his hand. She quietly asked, "But Han?"

Ben finally brought his eyes back to her. There were tears there. He gripped her hand tightly, "Han never wanted me. I'm sure some part of him loved me. But a child is something he never planned for. I was just a hindrance. He loved my mom, I'm sure of that, too. But they always ran hot and cold. One minute they would make these powerful declarations of love and the next they would be screaming at one another. Blaming each other for all of their unhappiness."

"You still didn't have to kill him."

Ben licked his lips, "I _had_ to Rey. Snoke would have killed me…"

"You should have let him try! You are more powerful than he thinks!"

"He was going to kill you!"

Rey's mouth fell open. "Are you saying you killed your father for me?!"

"Yes!" He ran his free hand over his face, "No! When Han approached me, he offered me his help. He said he would help me anyway he could. So, I used the Force to enter his head. I told him that Snoke wanted me to kill him. That he would kill you if I didn't. Han agreed to it. He just asked that I make it quick." Ben choked out, "Snoke is right; I _am_ weak. I have lived with regret every day since! Killing Han is tearing me apart!"

Rey moved without thinking. She found herself settled between his legs; one arm around his neck, her hand in his hair, the other arm around his back, rubbing it gently. Ben's arms wrapped around, bringing her even closer as his massive hands settled on her back; his thumbs moved to rub her waist.

"Rey," he whispered, his voice thick with tears, "Please."

She wasn't sure what he was asking for. Her forgiveness? Her comfort? He could have it all.

* * *

Sometime later they both went to their separate rooms. Ben could feel her hesitancy to leave him, but he assured her that he was alright.

He waited until she was asleep before making contact with Snoke.

"Supreme Leader," he said, kneeling down to the ground. "We have arrived on Naboo. The girl is settling well. She is beginning to trust me."

Snoke's hologram smirked, "This is great news Kylo Ren. If she is able to begin trusting you after 24 hours, I have no doubt that she will soon turn. I have news as well; Luke Skywalker is dead!"

Ben kept his expression neutral, "Yes, Master. I could feel his departure in the Force. One huge obstacle has been removed for us."

Snoke folded his hands in his lap and nodded, "Yes, let us hope that soon these pesky rebels will be gone. Only then can we have peace throughout the galaxy. Keep me informed about the girl. I will speak to you later."

The hologram disappeared and Ben unclenched his fists.

Between his exchange with Snoke, his breakdown with Rey, and his sexually charged moment with her in the training room, he wasn't sure how he was going to go to sleep.

He turned his attention to Rey. Without much effort, he could hear her thoughts in the next room. Judging from how nonsensical they were, she must be dreaming.

Obsessing over her wasn't going to do him any good. Perhaps some sort of relief from his hand? His cock twitched at the thought of Rey. She had been invading his senses all day. He could still feel her waist in his hands. He could smell her arousal from the training room. He could see her flushed skin, her dilated pupils, and her wet lips.

He groaned as he realized he was now fully erect.

He couldn't do this with her in the next room.

He wouldn't do this with her in the next room.

She meant too much to him. She deserved to be more than a thought in his head as he pleasured himself. She deserved pleasure, too.

He made his way to his own refresher…a cold shower would have to suffice.

* * *

When Rey woke, the sun was at its peak in the sky. The sun's reflection on the lake was almost blinding, but her eyes soon adjusted.

She lay for a few moments, taking deep breathes and tried to realign herself with the Force. She soon sat cross-legged on her bed and began to mediate in the more comfortable position. She could feel the waves as they crashed against the cliffs of the small island Ben's apartments were on. She could feel the heat of the sun, the animals outside, the wind…and then Ben.

With a deep breath, Ben flooded her senses. She could hear his breathing; slow and deep as he slept. She could see the rise and fall of his chest. She could smell his heady scent. She could almost taste the salt from the sweat that had accumulate throughout the night on his body. She had never known his body to be at such peace.

Rey opened her eyes and unfolded herself from her meditative position. She walked slowly to Ben's room, each step as quiet as she could muster. She didn't want to wake him. His door was slightly ajar and she slipped her body in.

His features were relaxed in his sleep. He looked much younger. Much more innocent. His large lips were parted slightly, his hair was a mess with his black locks going in every direction, his torso was bare and her heart hastened at the sight of his toned chest.

"Rey?" He called out quietly, his voice was thick, even deeper than his usual baritone. A shiver made its way down her back. "Rey? Come here. Please." His eyes were barely open, but she could make out the desperation they held.

She allowed herself to make her way to his bed. He lifted his blankets and motioned for her to climb in. She did, with her breath held the entire time. She sat in his bed with her legs outstretched, but refused to lie down. "More, please." He whispered again. His voice seemed huskier every time he opened his stupid mouth, she thought to herself. He chuckled, "Stupid mouth?" He asked her with a half-smile.

Rey's mouth parted to reply, but he beat her to it, "It seems your thoughts are my thoughts. Our bond is even stronger when we're close." He half sat up in bed and reached out a hand to trace her jaw with his knuckles. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh, instinctively leaning into his touch.

"Ben," she whispered, "What do you want from me?"

 _Look at me_ , his voice breathed in her head. She opened her eyes. His face was almost serene as he looked upon her face. He turned his hand and enveloped her cheek with his hand; his fingers played with the hair at the nape of her neck. "Everything."

Her breathe hitched as he leaned toward her, "Are you going to kiss me?" She asked, her voice more incredulous than she intended.

He grinned, "Do you want me to?"

She studied his face, "I don't know."

Ben's face fell slightly, "I won't do anything else you want me to."

Rey nodded, "Okay." She licked her lips, "Can we try something else?"

Ben nodded and licked his lips, "Show me what you would like to do."

Rey blinked, "Like, in my head show you? Or with my body?"

Ben smirked, "With your body."

Rey smiled and grabbed his hand that still cupped her face. She pulled him into an even more upright position before she laid her palm flat against his and found his other hand to do the same.

Both gasped at the sensation. It was as if they had become one with just the touch of their hands. She could feel his blood rushing through his veins, could feel his labored breath in his chest, she could hear his every thought.

She stood on her knees and ran her hand up his arms and over his shoulders. She let them settle on either side of his face. His own hands moved to settle on her waist. His thumbs found her bare skin and rubbed small circles there.

Her breath hitched and she brought her face to his. She traced his nose with her own and let out a tiny moan when Ben grunted, "Please, Rey."

A voice filled the room and startled them; the intercom, "Sir?"

Ben growled, "What?!"

The voice shook on the other end, "Sir, I'm sorry to interrupt, but General Hux is requesting an audience with you."

"Fucking, Hux," Ben sighed.

Rey grinned and suppressed a laugh, "Go," she whispered in his ear. Ben shivered as her hot breath grazed his ear.

"Tell Hux I will meet with him in ten minutes."

"Yes, Sir!"

The intercom shut off.

Rey ran a hand through his hair and laid her forehead against his. "Go. We can train when you get back. I'm supposed to be your apprentice, after all."

Ben sighed and slowly removed himself from Rey. She watched from his bed as he put on his clothes for the day. When he pulled on his gloves, Ben vanished and was replaced with Kylo Ren.

Rey shivered; she would never get used to how easily he could slip into Kylo Ren's skin.

His voice was measured and stern, "Later," he simply said.

Rey nodded and watched him leave the room.


	3. put your lips on my scars

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

Thanks for the reviews! Please, continue to leave them. I really appreciate your feedback!

 _I've been walking in the moonlight looking for you_ _  
_ _I got nobody but my shadow to get me through_ _  
_ _So put your lips on my scars and teach me to love_ _  
_ _Give my slow heart the rhythm of a blood drum_

"Hux," Kylo grunted when he saw the hologram, "What do you need?"

Hux sneered, "I only make contact at the request of the Supreme Leader. He wishes for you to know that they have found the Resistance's new base. All have been given orders to kill General Organa on sight."

Kylo curled his hand into a fist momentarily before releasing it. He nodded, "When does the Supreme Leader intend to attack the new base?"

Hux's lip curled even further, "That is strictly for those that need to know, Ren. You simply are not privy to such knowledge, yet. You have not gained the Supreme Leader's full trust. Not until you have converted this scavenger scum."

Kylo's own lip curled, "I need more than 36 hours, Hux. Surely, even _you_ would need more time."

Hux stood straighter and clasped his hands behind his back, "Good day, Ren."

The hologram ended.

Kylo walked briskly back to his apartments. Every person he came across hurried away from his angry steps. When he entered his rooms, he removed his gloves and cloak. "Rey!" He called, with more venom than he intended to.

Rey appeared from his rooms seconds later, her brow was furrowed in confusion. She looked to his hands and took in their bare appearance, "Ben?" Her eyes traveled up his torso before making contact with his own. "What's happened, Ben?"

"Change into something else," He barked.

Rey smoothed her clothes and looked down at them, "But…I don't have anything else."

Ben glared, "Lose the layers; we're training. Now!" He removed his shirt, revealing his bare chest.

Rey quickly removed her outer layers until she was in a sleeveless top and her pants, "This?" She asked him.

Ben nodded before walking towards the training room.

Rey followed and barely caught the staff that he threw her way. "Clear your mind." He said, his voice softer this time. "Breathe. Feel the Force."

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, "All I can feel is you."

Ben grinned, "I'm flattered."

Rey felt her lips tug, but resisted the urge to smile back, "Oh, do shut up."

Ben chuckled and took a deep breath himself. "Clear your mind, Rey. Even of me. Tune in to your surroundings. Feel them."

Rey did, just in time to block his first blow. She grinned when their staffs hit and Ben said, "No. Close your eyes. Use the Force to guide your movements."

Rey blinked in disbelief, "I have to be able to see you, Ben."

He shook his head, "No. Close your eyes, Rey. Trust the Force."

Against her better judgement, she closed her eyes. This time, she barely was able to block him in time. Soon, their bodies began to dance around the room.

Rey kept her eyes closed and her other senses seemed to come alive. She could smell the sweat forming on both of their bodies. She could hear his feet move and determine where he was going to land before he touched the ground.

"Good," he grunted when she blocked a particularly difficult blow.

She grinned, her eyes still closed, "Thank you. I think you have surpassed my training with Master Luke."

It was the wrong thing to say; it sparked some sort of fire with him and she was soon working quickly to block all of his strikes. He was relentless and backed her into a corner. She opened her eyes, "Ben!" She snapped at him, but too late, his staff hit her shoulder—hard. She cried out and dropped her own staff.

It was enough to break him from his trance.

His eyes flicked to her shoulder; she was still holding it and fighting back the tears that were stinging her eyes. "Oh, Rey," he murmured, he dropped his own staff and moved towards her.

She flinched away from him and moved further into the corner. She turned her body, trying to shield him from her sore shoulder.

His face fell and he licked his lips, "Please," he whispered.

She searched his face, trying to find any trace of Kylo Ren in them. When she found only Ben, she nodded and allowed his approach.

His large hand was warm and gentle as it enveloped her injury. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath; his hand grew warmer and the heat seeped into her muscles. The pain lessened and she gasped. "What are you doing?"

"Healing you."

"But how?"

"The Force is powerful." He opened his eyes; brown met hazel and he smiled sadly, "The pain will be less, but I'm afraid I'm not as powerful as you think. You will be sore tomorrow and you will still need time to heal." His looked away, "I am so sorry, Rey."

"Was it because I brought up Luke?"

He refused to meet her eyes and shrugged.

Her brow knitted together as she recalled his sour mood when he returned from his meeting with Hux. "What happened? Earlier? With Hux?"

His body stiffened, "Nothing," he bit out.

"Ben," she said softly, reaching for his hand with her own. "Don't do this to me. If you want my help, you can't shut me out."

Ben looked down at their hands and entwined his fingers with her own; his thumb gently rubbed the back of her hand and she shivered. "It's Leia," he finally answered.

"She's still alive," Rey replied, "I can feel her."

Ben nodded, "She is. But Snoke is going after her. All troops have been given the order to kill her on sight."

Rey gasped, "We have to do something!"

Ben shook his head, "We can't," he argued. "This is another test. Snoke purposely made Hux tell me. They're waiting for us to react. If we do, they'll kill us both."

"There has to be something we can do!" Rey insisted. "You are seriously are going to let them kill your mother?! You know she loves you!"

"Of course, I don't want them to kill my mother! I care for her!" He shouted back. "I have to think of us, Rey. I have to keep _us_ alive."

"You selfish bastard!" She shook her hand away from his grasp and walked toward the door.

"Rey!" He called, "You have to think of the bigger picture! If we want to defeat Snoke, we have to let him win a few battles. My mother is fully aware of this. She is prepared to make any sacrifice for the Resistance. You must know this. Search your feelings; you know I am right."

Rey paused, "I would do _anything_ to see my parents. And you're just going to let Snoke continue to kill all of the people that have ever loved you!"

* * *

The sun was setting the next time Rey saw him.

He was leaning over the balcony outside of the leisure room, quietly watching the world around him prepare for the coming night.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Rey shrugged and stood beside him, "Perhaps there is some truth in what you said. I need to think beyond Luke, Leia, Han, and Finn. I allow my feelings to block the greater picture."

"Finn?" He asked, glancing at her from the corner of his eye; he kept his body facing forward.

"You remember Finn? You nearly killed him on Starkiller Base?"

Ben sniffed, "FN-2187; yes, I recall. You care for him?"

Rey scoffed, "Of course I do. He's my friend," she insisted.

"And what am I?" Ben asked, "Still a creature in a mask? A murderous snake? A monster?"

Rey looked down before meeting his eyes, "I'm not sure, yet. But there is no denying the connection we share. Try as I might." She shot him a small smile.

She leaned over the balcony next to him; pressing her arm into his, "This place is breathtaking." She said after a moment. "What made you choose Naboo as your base? You can't have been born here."

Ben shook his head, "No, I wasn't born here. I suppose I came here to find some sort of connection. My parents didn't tell me about my grandparents until I was an adult. Leia thought that if she hid my relation to Darth Vader, perhaps I would overcome the dark in me."

"If you were looking for a connection to Vader, why did you choose your grandmother's home planet and not his?"

Ben frowned, "They fell in love here." He shrugged. "Their love was powerful. Not enough to keep Vader in the light, but powerful enough to create my mother and Skywalker. I suppose I have built Naboo up in my mind. I see it as a place where anything is possible. My grandfather, Anakin, he was training to be a Jedi when he was sent here to protect my grandmother. This very island, actually."

Rey smiled and teased, "Who would have thought that the powerful Kylo Ren was such a sentimentalist."

Ben returned her smile with a small one of his own. His face grew stern as he replied, "I suppose I've just been searching for some sort of belonging. Some sort of…love. I thought I could find it here. I imagine if my grandparents had been alive, they would have been doting, that they would have given me the belonging and love I desperately wanted as a child; especially Padme. The people of Naboo still praise her. When she died, the whole planet mourned."

"How did she die?"

"Vader. When Anakin turned…it killed her. She was barely able to give birth to my mother and uncle."

"What happened then?"

Ben turned toward her, "Don't they tell these stories on Jakku?"

Rey shrugged, "Perhaps." _Perhaps I enjoy hearing you tell it,_ she shared in his head.

Ben looked down at her lips and licked his own before continuing the story, "Luke was given to his aunt and uncle. My mother was given to a dear friend of my grandmother's. Luke and my mother didn't meet until they were fully grown. A man named Ben Kenobi brought them together."

"Ben?"

He nodded, "Yes, my namesake. Later, I would find out that my mother had intended to name me Anakin, after my grandfather, but the thought of his influence on me terrified her. She decided to name after someone she hoped I would aspire to be."

Rey reached for his hand when he turned his body away from her, "You're not done growing, yet, Ben Solo."

He brought their clasped hands to his heart, "Are you sure about that?"

"Absolutely," she whispered. She brought her free hand to the curve of his cheek and ran her thumb over his cheekbone. He closed his eyes at the sensation and sighed. Without a second thought, she brought her lips to the corner of his and gently dropped a kiss there.


	4. breathe in, breathe out

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

A/N: I think we have officially left Episode VIII and we are now moving into what I wish would happen in Episode IX. Star Wars just gives me a lot of feelings and I'm still super bummed about TLJ, overall.

 _breathe in_

 _breathe out_

 _let your lungs open up_

 _let the air out_

After a few days, they fell into a routine; they would wake before sunrise and mediate together on the balcony, after they would eat quietly before training for the remainder of the morning. Around midday they would share another meal.

Their afternoons were more informal.

Sometimes they would sleep, or read, or walk around his private gardens, but most of the time they would just talk.

Try as he might, Ben could not hide the affection that he still had for his mother. Rey could sense his fear every day; he was worried that soon he would lose her, too. Every time he was summoned to meet with Hux or Snoke, they both would search for Leia's presence among the Force.

Whatever pain Ben suffered in his past, he didn't blame Leia for any of it.

"What is your favorite childhood memory of your parents?" Rey asked him one afternoon.

Ben briefly glanced up from the reports he was reading, "You're serious?"

"Why wouldn't I be? You know, despite their flaws, your parents never sold you into indentured servitude…" She sighed, the day before, Ben had revealed her parentage, despite his best attempts to keep it to himself.

She knew it was true. _I am nothing_ she had thought to herself. Ben was quick to reply in her head with _Not to me._ She had made eye contact with him then and the intensity of his stare took her breath away.

Ben put his reader down and released a breath, "One time, my parents took me to Coruscant. Han wasn't too pleased; it is a pretty uptight place. But Leia wanted to go for the history. It was the capital of galaxy in my grandparent's time. I had to have been no older than 12. Chewie came, too. The entire time Leia would try lecturing us on the history of the place, Chewie would start mocking and teasing her in Wookie. Mom has a very remedial understanding of the language and would agree with everything that he said. Han and I struggled to keep from laughing."

Rey smiled, "I think that is more of a favorite memory of Chewie and not your parents."

Ben smirked, "You're probably right."

Rey frowned, "You must have some memory of your parents that you cherish."

He nodded, "I do."

"Tell me."

He moved closer to her and found her hands that were resting on her knees. "Let me show you," he laid the palms of his hands flat against hers.

Rey could see a toddler with jet black waves being held by Leia. Her hair was down and flowing freely around her as she danced with the little boy. She sang a lullaby that Rey had never heard. The baby—Ben, giggled as his mother swayed to her own music. Ben reached up and cupped his mother's face with his tiny, dimpled hands. They rested their foreheads against each other and Leia whispered, "Sweet, sweet Ben; mommy loves you, too."

When Ben let go of her hands, Rey could feel the wetness on her cheeks. When she looked at Ben, she noticed his cheeks were wet, too. "Oh, Ben," she sighed. Rey moved towards him, placing her legs on either side of his and resting in his lap. His hands immediately went to her, his fingers splayed against the small of her back and his thumbs rested on her waist.

First, she wiped away the moisture on his face with the pads of her thumbs. She played with the hair at the nape of his neck and rested her forehead against his. Their noses rubbed against each other and she could feel Ben tremble as his hands moved from the small of her back to her thighs. He leaned back to look at her, "Can I?" he asked, his voice shaking.

It had been days since she half kissed him on the balcony, the tension was still thick between them. The desire that they had for one another was heavy in the air; the way the air feels before a storm.

She inhaled sharply and nodded, "Yes."

His hands moved slowly up her back and shoulders until he cupped her face.

When his lips brushed hers, she moaned.

Encouraged by her response, Ben kissed her harder. His tongue traced her bottom lip until she opened her mouth. Their tongues touched and Rey felt a dampness bloom in her underclothes. Ben groaned and moved his hands to her waist to bring her closer. Soon, she felt his erection grow and cried out when it bumped her cunt.

He pulled away from her lips and trailed hot kisses down her neck and her collarbone. His hands moved from her neck to her waist and slowly back up towards her breasts. When his thumbs grazed the underside of them, her breath hitched. Instinctively, she ground herself against his erection.

When he grunted out her name, she pulled away.

Ben stopped moving, "Rey?" He asked.

She shook her head, "Too much," she whispered. She removed herself from his lap; standing she looked away from him, "I'm sorry."

She walked back to her room, hand over her racing heart.

* * *

She could feel Ben trying to hide his feelings from her. She sensed no anger in him; just disappointment and longing.

Rey was terrified. How could she have such strong feelings for someone that she loathed a little more than week ago?

Their connection was undeniable. Their bond through the Force was powerful; it only intensified when they were close to each other.

There was so much darkness in him; he had killed his father, he had ordered the deaths of hundreds, and he advocated for the oppressive First Order regime.

But the light she saw in him? It was blinding. She could feel it across the galaxy when they Force communicated during her time on Ahch-To. He was gentle with her, he was so kind to the wild animals that often found their way into his private gardens and the affection he still had for his mother grew more apparent every day. They were small things, but they still spoke volumes about him.

Rey stayed on her bed for hours. She still had weeks to spend with him before they were to report back to Snoke in person. They hadn't even begun to plan for the confrontation, because that's surely how it would all end. They would be forced to confront Snoke and try to take him on their own.

While Ben had more knowledge of the Force than her, he was still a relatively weak fighter; even she had more experience with hand-to-hand combat than he did. While he often encouraged her to tune in to the Force when they sparred, he often let his anger get the best of him.

As much as her body yearned for him, they needed to figure out what steps they were going to take to get Ben back and rid him, and the galaxy, of Snoke.

"Rey," he said from the threshold of her room.

She startled at his voice and turned to him, "Yes?"

"I've been summoned by Snoke. Would you prepare our evening meal for us?"

Rey nodded, "Of course."

"Thank you," he mumbled before quickly walking from her room to the door of his apartments.

"Ben, wait!" She called and he could hear her quick footsteps; he knew he should wait and tell her all was forgiven. He would never do anything to Rey without her consent.

Keeping his back to her, he said, "I'm afraid it's an urgent meeting, Rey." He passed through the threshold and let the door close behind him.

He walked briskly to meet with Snoke; it really was an urgent meeting.

Entering the room, he bowed before Snoke's hologram, "Supreme Leader," he said while still kneeling. "You summoned me?"

"Kylo Ren!" Snoke was gleeful. Ben's stomach dropped. "I wanted you to watch with us! Troops have landed on the planet that the Rebels have been using as their base."

Ben steadied his breath, "That is wonderful news."

Snoke sneered, "Indeed. Here, look, the Storm Troopers are chasing them out of their quarters. Let's see if they find General Organa."

Ben turned to the other hologram being projected in the room. He could see dozens of Storm Troopers running through mostly empty quarters; they shot at anything and anyone that crossed their paths. Some droids lay, sparking on the ground; bodies of humans and other lifeforms littered the halls, too.

When he saw his mother, he struggled to control his heart. Snoke was surely listening to every part of his body.

Leia stood with a straight back, looking taller and stronger than she had any right to. He knew she was weak from being blown from the bridge of her ship days before. She made eye contact with him through the hologram, "Sweet, sweet, Ben," she whispered, "mommy loves you, too."

Multiple Storm Troopers fired at her at the same time. It took less than a second for her body to crumble to meet the floor.

Snoke laughed delightedly, "Yes!" He roared, raising his fist in celebration.

Ben felt nothing, "This is most impressive," he heard himself say, "Without her leadership, the Resistance will surely fall."

Snoke continued to grin, "How right you are, my young apprentice. I am very pleased. I feel nothing from you."

Ben looked up at Snoke, "I feel nothing, Supreme Leader," he confirmed.

"Good! Finish training the girl and you will have my complete trust, Kylo Ren."

The hologram ended.

* * *

Rey felt Leia's departure within seconds of her death. She felt Ben disappear, too.

She banged the door, "Ben!" She shouted. She didn't know his passcode to open the door, "Ben!" She yelled as she continued to pound at the door.

She continued her assault on the door; using her hands and feet, she tried figuring out his passcode, but it was futile. Her knuckles were bruised and bleeding by time the door finally opened.

She stepped back to let Ben in and he immediately fell to his knees. "Rey," his voice was hoarse. "Please," he said, offering his bare hands to her, "Please, please, please."

Rey walked to him and took his hands in her own, she brought them around her body and guided his head to her belly. Her fingers went to his hair and tangled themselves there.

Ben let out a noise she had never heard before. It was raw. It was painful. It brought tears to her eyes.

"Oh, Ben." She let out a little sob of her own and bent her body forward, hugging him as tightly as she could.

His gripped tightened on her waist as he desperately clung to her. He rubbed his face against her stomach and began to sob.


	5. i'll use you as a focal point

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

 _And I'll use you as a warning sign  
That if you talk enough sense, then you'll lose your mind_ _  
And I'll use you as focal point  
So I don't lose sight of what I want  
And I've moved further than I thought I could  
_ _But I miss you more than I thought I would_ _  
Oh I'll use you as a warning sign  
That if you talk enough sense, then you'll lose your mind_

They stayed in the foyer of his apartments for what felt like hours. Finally, she was able to guide him into his room.

He sat on the edge of his bed, seemingly oblivious while Rey began to remove his clothes. First, she unlaced his boots and tossed them aside. Standing, she removed his outer cloak and threw that to the side, too. She tugged on the bottom of his undershirt and pulled it up his torso, she moved his arms so they were upright before completely removing his shirt.

She looked down at him, but his face was still expressionless. "Ben?" She asked in a soft voice.

Finally, he looked at her, "Hmm?" was his only reply.

She rubbed his bare shoulder with her left hand and caressed his cheek with her right. "What can I do for you?"

His eyes grew dark, "Stay."

She nodded; overcome with bravery, she never broke her gaze from his while she removed her own layers of clothing. Soon, she stood before him in nothing but her underclothes.

Briefly, his eyes left hers to glance at her bared skin. She moved her hands to cover her naked belly. "Don't," he said, his voice thick.

"No one has ever seen me like this," she whispered, embarrassed. Her cheeks flushed when his eyes roamed her body once more and he licked his lips.

Standing, he undid the button of his pants, bending over to pull them down before stepping out of the clothes. He wore underclothes that rested just below his waist and ended at his mid-thigh. "No one's ever seen me like this," he said with a shrug. He extended his hand to her, "Stay with me? Please, Rey?"

She inhaled deeply and hesitantly reached for his hand. He pulled her towards him and sat back down on the bed. She found herself with her legs on either side of his, resting in his lap like she had been earlier that day.

That felt like ages ago.

She cupped his face with her small hands and kissed him gently.

He took a shuddering breath and pulled away, "Not tonight," he said, shaking his head.

She nodded meekly, "Okay," her voice was barely a whisper.

Holding on to her tightly, he rolled them back onto the bed into a horizontal position. She lay flat on her back and he on his right side. He wedged his left leg between hers and brought his left arm to rest on her midsection. He laid his head down next to hers and inhaled her scent, nuzzling her cheek with his nose. "Just stay with me."

Rey nodded; turning slightly, she brought her right hand to rest on his chest. She lay her palm flat against it and felt his heart beating, "Okay."

* * *

"No," Finn said, incredulous. "I don't believe it. Rey would _never_ join that beast."

Poe sighed and ran a hand over his tired face. "The intelligence is good, Finn. We've had spies on Naboo for ages. They saw Rey, with Ren, training on his private island. Walking on his private island. Talking…" Poe waved his hand with flourish, "and you know…"

Finn raised his chin, "What? What does this mean?" He asked, copying Poe's movements.

Poe sighed again, poor, oblivious Finn, "Intelligence believes that they are involved."

Finn looked from Poe to Rose, "Well, yeah, because they think he's training her."

"Not that kind of involved, Finn!" Rose shouted, standing up, "He means romantically!"

Poe looked up at Rose from his seated position and nodded, "Yeah, that."

Finn sat down, his mouth agape.

Rose looked between the two men and groaned, "You guys are idiots; we're wasting time talking about Rey. What do we do without the General? Where do we go from here?" She turned her attention to rest solely on Finn, "Forget about Rey; you've lost her, but the Resistance is still here. We need to focus on that and not some girl!"

* * *

When Ben woke, the first thing he felt was Rey's weight resting on him. Sometime during the night, he had moved to lay on his back and she had followed his body. Her chin rested on his shoulder, her right arm was resting across his stomach; her hand lay between his chest and collarbone. And her right leg was thrown over his waist, the bottom of her thigh just grazing the erection he had.

He turned his face to inhale her scent and brought his right arm around her body, bringing her closer to him. His thumb played with the waistband of her underclothes and he felt her body shiver. Taking another deep breath, he allowed her peace to fill him. It was the first time he had felt content in years. The first time he had slept through the night in nearly a decade.

Rey's eyes fluttered open and she smiled up at Ben, "Good morning," she whispered, her voice still thick with sleep.

He grinned in return, "Good morning."

Rey moved to stretch and paused immediately when her leg brushed his erection. She blushed, the heat traveling all the way down to her neck, he watched with pleasant surprise as her chest grew flush, too.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, it happens most nights when I sleep. And then this morning, I found you like this…" He trailed off.

Rey nodded and took a breath, trying to calm her flush. She moved her leg and lay it on his own, "Can I?" She asked, motioning down to his waist. _Can I touch you?_ She asked in his head, certain that the words would not come out of her mouth.

Ben's eyes widened and he took a sharp breath before nodding his head.

Rey's hand trailed down from his chest to the waistband of his underclothes, the skimming motion causing goosebumps to rise on his skin.

She slipped her hand underneath his clothes and her fingers softly traced the outline of his erection, enjoying the feeling of the soft, smooth skin. Ben's breathing accelerated when she rubbed her thumb over the head of his cock. She wrapped her hand around his length, tenderly at first, before applying more pressure and began pumping her hand up and down.

Ben's eyes fluttered closed and he sighed her name.

"Am I doing it right?" She asked huskily.

Ben nodded with his eyes still shut, "Perfectly," he gasped as her thumb ran over his tip again. She felt a wetness then and looked up at him _Is that okay?_ She thought in his head, his eyes finally opened, "Yes," he said, his voice thick. He licked his lips and brought a hand to her chin, bringing her close enough to kiss.

He kissed her softly until her thumb grazed him again. His lips bumped into hers messily then, his tongue tracing her lips until she opened her mouth. He kissed her hard for a moment before he pulled his lips from hers and grunted, "Please," against her lips.

She brought her lips back to his and quickened her motions, gripping him a little more firmly, running her thumb over him more roughly than she meant. He groaned in her mouth and began lightly bucking his hips.

"Rey," he grunted as he came, covering her hand in his semen and soiling his underclothes.

Rey peppered his face with kisses as he collected himself. After a few minutes, he turned to her with a smile, "Thank you," he whispered. Leaning towards her, he nuzzled her neck and kissed her where her neck met her shoulder.

She grinned widely, "You're welcome."

He began to lightly nip at her neck until her voice peeped, "Ben? I need to clean myself."

He pulled back to look at her; her skin was flushed, but she still smiled, clearly pleased with her actions.

"Of course." He untangled himself from her and lifted the waistband of his underclothes so she could remove her hand.

He followed her into his refresher and turned on the water for his shower. Rey made her way to the sink to wash him from her hands, "Stay with me?" He asked, motioning towards the shower.

A fresh flush bloomed over her body and she shook her head, "Not today." His frowned, "But soon," she hurriedly said when she saw his expression change.

He nodded with a small smile, "I would like that."

He cheeks grew redder, "Me, too." She quickly stood on her toes to kiss his cheek and quickly fled the room.

* * *

Another week passed and a new routine formed. They mediated on the balcony together in the morning, shared a morning meal, trained, and had their midday meal.

In the afternoons, they talked; about their past, about their current situation, and about the future. They planned. They began to train in the afternoon, too. Both knew that they were strong, but they needed to harness that strength.

After their evening meal, they would walk around his gardens. They tried to not let the affection that they held for one another to show; they knew that Snoke would try and use it against them, but they couldn't hide their growing feelings.

Every day, Ben shed a little bit more of Kylo Ren. Rey could see it in the way he carried himself, the way that he spoke, and even the way he dressed. Those gloves, the ones that first indicated if he was Ben, had disappeared. He hadn't worn them since the day that Leia died.

One of her new favorite things was going to bed with Ben every night. Her rooms had not been used since that first night they shared a bed.

At the end of each night, she would curl into his body. He would wrap her up tightly in his arms and hold her as closely as he could.

Some nights they would kiss, some nights she would touch him beneath his underclothes, and some nights they would do nothing at all.

Despite her nightly desires, she still wouldn't let Ben pleasure her. She knew he was eager to. She could see it in his eyes; his desire for her burned there almost constantly. She could feel his hands longing to touch her everywhere, but he continued to respect her wishes.

Want pooled into a wetness that filled her underclothes every day.

Soon, she would let him have all of her.

A/N: I apologize for the delay; I was traveling with my family all day yesterday. What do you do during a three-hour layover with a two-year-old? You ride the tram. Ten times…

Leave a review if you can! I'd love to hear from you and any feedback you have.

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!


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